


Two Pieces of a Puzzle

by butjaehyunie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Café, Comfort, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Family Loss, Hurt/Comfort, Instant Connection, Jung Jaehyun is an Angel, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Minor Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Past Character Death, Poetry, Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Writing, lots of fluff i promise, soft is my middle name, very soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 09:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17423525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butjaehyunie/pseuds/butjaehyunie
Summary: Taeyong always knew, he had known from the very first second his eyes fell upon the other. In times where he only wanted to drown in his pain and loneliness, time and time again he finds himself meeting the same pair of warm, deep and brown eyes. He can't seem to forget, but little does he know, he doesn't have to.Or where Taeyong finally meets the one person who might just keep him from drowning.





	1. Puzzle 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I am back with a new project and I can honestly admit I have never been this excited about my own writing before. This is definitely the first time I have taken my writing this serious too, I really hope you will like this story. I have so many things planned!
> 
> I do want to add a small trigger warning before you go on and start reading, this story will include loss of a family member and coping mechanisms. Just so you know, I don't want anyone feeling as if they wouldn't be able to continue the story at any given moment, I care about you all! ♡
> 
> I love Jaeyong and I hope it shows in my writing, they deserve all the love in the world.  
> Thank you to those who took their time to help me with this story and conceptualising it, you know who you are and I love you! ♡
> 
> Enjoy reading!

Taeyong always knew, he had known from the very first second his eyes fell upon the other. Honey brown locks, handsome though soft face and cute dimples when he smiled. Taeyong was lost before he even knew who this person was, but he caught his attention the moment he entered the room.

Like a magnet sensing the chemicals in the air, the boy looked up, meeting Taeyong's eyes gazing at him. Taeyong suddenly felt breathless and a tiny bit lightheaded with the way those eyes were intently staring back at him. A beautiful brown, deep and seemingly holding an entire universe underneath the surface. How Taeyong could see all this with the distance between them, he wasn't sure, but he knew, he felt it. Taeyong was convinced he could write an entire poem about those eyes alone.

Slowly, but surely a smile made its way onto the angel's face and he felt the corners of his own mouth moving up and realised he was smiling back at the stranger.

"Earth to Taeyong, hello there."

Ten waved his hand in front of his face, effectively making him turn his attention back to his best friend and close surroundings. The lecture hall was slowly filling up with students and the professor still hadn't arrived.

"Yeah, huh, what?"

Taeyong turned in his seat to properly face Ten, though not before stealing another glance at the angel across the room. Again, the lightheaded feeling returned when he noticed the person he was looking for was still staring back at him.

Taeyong couldn't look away, it was like his body was frozen in place, he couldn't move. Then, the spell broke when the boy looked away and continued to follow his friends into one of the rows on the other side of the lecture hall.

"You're not listening to me," Ten scolded him, "what are you looking at?"

Ten tried following the direction of Taeyong's gaze, but failed when Taeyong changed his posture and he didn't manage to see anything special about the sea of students looking for a place.

"Nothing, nothing. I was just..., distracted, I guess." Taeyong replied, hoping that his friend would fall for the small lie.

The latter looked at him with an inspecting gaze, but decided to drop it several seconds later.

"As I was saying, Kun asked if you wanted to join us for dinner later. Said he's worried you're keeping yourself holed up in your room again all week. 

As he was talking, Taeyong noticed his voice getting softer as well as his expression. Taeyong didn't like it. 

He spluttered, "I'm not! W-what, why would he think that?"

With a fast beating heart, he tried to keep his expression even. Taeyong didn't want to admit that that was exactly what he was planning on doing, at least not out loud. 

Of course Ten would see right through him, but he hadn't expected Kun to pay close attention to him as well. Then again, Kun and Ten did share 2 years together already, he shouldn't be surprised really.

Ten sighed.

"Taeyong-" He started, but right then Professor Park entered the room and demanded every student's attention.

Taeyong silently thanked the woman, he really didn't feel like talking about his own reasons for not wanting to be social that week. He was sure that was exactly where Ten had wanted to go with his sentence. And Taeyong simply didn't talk about it.

From beside him he could hear Ten sighing even deeper, while letting the feeling of temporary satisfaction spread through his own body. He knew Ten would give up on the matter, only to focus on this class and jump into it again right after, but for now he was glad he could avoid the conversation even for a little bit.

While taking out his reading materials, Taeyong found his mind occupied wondering about a certain pair of eyes and all the ways he would describe the universe hiding beneath.

 

❀

 

When Taeyong entered the cafe after his last class of the day, he was delighted to find out there was almost no one around. The few customers were talking softly over the jazzy music playing in the background. Luck was on his side and very clearly expressed in his schedule, seeing as Ten and apparently almost every single other student on campus still had classes to attend.

The soft bell above the door chimed and Taeyong smiled while looking for his favourite booth to sit in when he was greeted by another man.

Taeil looked up at him when he had just finished cleaning one of the tables.

"Hey Taeyong, you're back?"

"Taeil! Yes, it's Monday after all. I need to get some work done, you know me." Taeyong exclaimed while approaching the counter.

"Ahh yes, how is your writing getting along? You seemed quite lost last week. - The Usual?" Taeil asked. 

Taeyong came by the cafe whenever he had some time to spare. He loved the coffee, the calm atmosphere and the comforting vibe it gave off. Sometimes it was more for the comfort than the coffee that he visited the place, but it never failed to make him feel better when he finished his beverage and headed back home after.

"Yes please, I am craving a latte macchiato right now, oh and wi-"

"One latte with extra caramel coming up!"

Taeil grinned, he really knew him so well. Taeyong was a sweet tooth, and some sugar would for sure boost his mood right now.

He smiled with a grateful expression adorning his face. 

"Well, my writing... it's okay, just," He let his gaze travel down to his hands holding his wallet, "it's just not quite there yet."

"Don't push yourself too hard Taeyongie, I'm sure the right words will come to you soon.- Why don't you take a seat, I'll bring your coffee in a minute."

"Thanks, Taeil."

 

As Taeyong worked through his assignments and reading, more and more people entered the cafe. He had managed to settle down in his usual spot, a bit more secluded from the noise. He never had difficulties blocking out the noise and distracting sounds either. 

In some way, the sound of people talking and laughing made him feel less lonely. Sometimes the apartment would feel too cold and empty, despite Taeyong's efforts in making it as cosy and warm as possible. Taeil's cafe had that charm that pulls you in and makes you feel satisfied and giddy inside. Sometimes Taeyong needed that too.

Three quarters through his work, he got distracted again by the same image that had been present in his mind all day. It was the eyes that he couldn't stop thinking about. Not that he didn't think about the handsome guy owning them too.

 

When class had ended, Taeyong had subtly tried looking for him, unfortunately mystery-boy seemed to have been swallowed up by the sea of students trying to pass through the doors at the same time. With one glance back at Ten, who'd been taking longer packing up, Taeyong had bid his goodbyes.

"Bye Ten, see you later, love you!"

_Don't bring it up, don't bring it up, please just let me leave._

Taeyong had silently prayed his best friend would have forgot about the dinner plans mentioned before Mrs. Park had showed up.

"Wha- Taeyong! Where- Hey!!"

Taeyong hadn't let him speak, he'd waved and disappeared with the majority of students out of the lecture hall.

 

**From Tennie:**

Don't even think about not showing up,

Kun and I are expecting you tonight!! 7pm!!

 

Of course he wouldn't let it go.

Oh well, at least he won't have to cook tonight. He could only hope for the best.

 

**  
** **To Tennie:**

Alright, alright, I'll be there. See you then tennie

 

It wasn't that Taeyong didn't like spending time with his friends, he loved them, but it was the kind of week they were in.

This time of the year, Taeyong always tried to spend as alone as he could. That was his way of coping and dealing with his emotions. He didn't like others worrying about him and his emotional state these couple of days.

It had been 2 years this week. Exactly 2 years since his sister disappeared and Taeyong was struggling every day. For almost a week they had searched everywhere for her. He hadn't thought his life could ever be worse than that moment. Until they found her, and she never returned home.

 

With a deep sigh, Taeyong pushed his assignments away and pulled out his notebook. He loved writing, as there was something so liberating about the mere act of putting his feelings onto paper, in whatever format he liked. If he were to be honest, he felt he was better at expressing himself on paper. Most of all Taeyong liked poetry, he didn't know if he was any good at it, but it made him feel happy and accomplished, so he tried writing regularly.

Before he could write anything down, however, a hand had placed a small plate of chocolate chip cookies next to his empty coffee cup. Taeyong blinked. It was a pretty hand, long, delicate fingers, soft skin. He slowly followed the arm to the body and then let his eyes meet the man's face.

Taeyong's breath hitched, he recognised him instantly. It was the eyes, the very same pair of warm eyes that had occupied his mind even until now, when he found himself gazing into them again.

The young man cleared his throat, effectively making Taeyong realise he had been staring -again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

Taeyong felt his heart beating rapidly and only hoped his newfound wonder and curiosity didn't show on his face. The man's voice was beautiful, melodic, though soft. He blinked again, opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His gaze fell upon the chocolate cookies instead.

"We just baked a new batch, Taeil asked me to give you some, he said you like chocolate?"

The stranger added, though the last part sounded a bit hopeful almost, as if he was scared to have misunderstood Taeil's instructions.

His eyes twinkled with a mix of anticipation and amusement, and it was then Taeyong realised he hadn't said anything yet.

"I, uhm, thank you."

Taeyong tried his best to sound as sincere as he felt. Taeil was right, he loved chocolate chip cookies and he had been getting hungry too. These were a blessing, in more ways than one.

"I really like chocolate chip cookies." Taeyong confirmed and suddenly turned shy.

He'd been thinking about him all day and now he didn't know what to say when the very same person of his current daydreaming stood right in front of him. Taeyong wasn't usually this lost for words, he felt rather overwhelmed for a few seconds.

The young man let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and chuckled.

"I'm Jaehyun," Ah, finally a name to the beautiful eyes, "you should be Taeyong,-- Taeil told me."

Taeyong smiled while leaning back against his chair, Jaehyun was adorable, his dimples showing while smiling back.

"Nice to meet you, Jaehyun." Oh, it was really nice to meet him.

"Did you bake these?" Taeyong took a cookie between his fingers and bit off a piece. It felt as though his senses and confidence had returned.

"Indeed I did. I've been told I make delicious muffins too."

Upon hearing this, Taeyong straightened up even more. Meanwhile, the cookie melted on his tongue and he had to hold back a satisfied moan.

"Chocolate muffins??" 

Taeyong grinned. There was only one thing he liked more than chocolate chip cookies.

"If you want, yes." Jaehyun winked. Oh, but two could play that game.

"Would you make them for me?" 

Taeyong shifted his head to the side, showing Jaehyun his most beautiful signature smile. If Jaehyun was affected, he didn't show it, though Taeyong did notice his knuckles turning white from the vast grip he had on the table while he leant in closer to Taeyong.

"Only for you." Jaehyun let a lopsided grin take over and god, Taeyong needed to hold himself back from jumping into the other's arms.

 

❀

 

By the time 7pm rolled around, Taeyong found himself standing in front of Kun and Ten's door. He wasn't looking forward to this dinner at all, for he knew where conversation would eventually lead to. In a last attempt to calm his anxiety, Taeyong inhaled and exhaled deeply, before knocking on the door.

As usual, the apartment felt homey and cozy, it was alive and warm. Suddenly Taeyong registered a lonely pang in his heart, he always did feel like his apartment was too big for him alone. Especially after she disappeared.

Quickly shaking his head to avoid thinking about her, Taeyong moved his attention to Kun and Ten, who were currently working magic in the kitchen, adding some last details to their food. 

"How was the cafe? Busy?" Ten focused his attention on Taeyong while setting the table.

"It was alright, I guess" Taeyong shrugged. "There was a new waiter..."

He didn't know what was displayed on his face, but according to the couple's facial expression, it must have been interesting. Immediately Ten jumped on the itsy bitsy piece of information Taeyong had just offered. He wasn't one to pay much attention to the workers at the cafe, the place having seen so many different waiters already. Taeil was known to be quite picky with the ones he kept around. It seemed like this time around someone had caught Taeyong's attention and it didn't go unnoticed.

"A new... waiter? Does Taeil have a new 'trainee'? Poor soul." Ten said, coaxing Taeyong into continuing what he started. Ten had always been the impatient one in their friendship.

"I-, he said his name was Jaehyun." Taeyong supplied, thinking back to how easy it had been talking to the latter. Jaehyun had been very easy-going, striking up conversation with Taeyong about everything and nothing at the same time. Just thinking about him gave him a warm feeling inside.

"Jaehyun? Does he play basketball?"

Kun had entered the room carrying the last dishes and gestured as if to sit down and start eating, to which the other two happily obliged.

"You know basketball??" Ten commented surprised, just as Taeyong was about to answer.

Kun sighed, "Babe, please-"

"I don't know, he didn't say," Taeyong explained and munched on a lone piece of meat.

"I only know he's in Art History and he shares world history with us, his friends do too."

_I want to see him again,_ Taeyong thought. _I hope I bump into him soon…_

"I know a Jaehyun in the basketball team, his friend Yuta came over to the Journalism department once for an article about the football team, he tagged along. Well, if he's the one you're talking about, at least. Who knows?"

Kun was a journalism major and worked on the university's newspaper, being cared for by the journalism department. Anyone who was interested and could somehow add value to the paper was able to contribute, but it was mostly the journalism department filling up the spaces.

 

❀

 

"Taeyong, are you free tomorrow?"

Taeyong was about to take a sip of his drink when he froze. The evening had gone by smoothly and aside from secretly almost wanting to head home for the night and curl up in a ball inside his covers, Taeyong had almost forgot the couple's underlying true intentions in asking him for dinner today.

A siren went off in his head _-warning, danger zone, warning, danger zone-_.

"I don't know... why?" 

He didn't look Kun in the eyes, instead opting to stare at his empty plate. He placed his glass back on the table.

"Why don't we go watch a movie, Yong?" Ten suggested, and this time Taeyong knew he couldn't avoid the topic.

Silence filled the room, and though Taeyong hoped they would get the message like this, he knew they deserved a proper answer.

"I- I"m sorry..."

Taeyong dared looking up, meeting the other’s careful gazes, before quickly looking down again.

"I'd... rather not. I, uh, I need to get some stuff done and.. I'm not really in the mood."

He paused. "You know why."

The last part was barely audible, a whisper, drenched in sorrow. Almost as if it didn't want to be there, just like how Taeyong felt. Goosebumps had risen on his skin, suddenly he felt ice cold. Across the table, Ten and Kun shared a somber, but worried glance. The atmosphere had turned grim, almost suffocating.

"Taeyong-," Taeyong had softly started shaking his head.

"Taeyong, at least-"

"No, please, I don't want to talk about it"

"You know she wouldn't have wanted you to live like this."

"No, stop," Taeyong felt his hands shaking in his lap. His nerves had spiked and the chills wouldn't stop tearing into his body. His voice cracked when he spoke, "I can't, I can't do this, please don't."

"Ji Eun wouldn't be happy if she saw you like this, Yong."

Taeyong felt as if the air had been sucked out of his longs upon hearing his sister’s name, tears started pooling in his eyes.

"You need to talk about this," Ten continued, voice soft though demanding to be heard. "You need to talk about her, this isn't healthy."

 Taeyong made a strangled sound, the start of a sob threatening to escape his throat.

"I said no, what part of that do you not understand, Ten?"

Hands in fists, voice raised at his best friend now. Taeyong felt his chin wobbling and let the first tears fall.

"Taeyong, we're worried about you, we're only trying to-" Kun tried calming Taeyong down, but it only made something snap inside of him.

At once, Taeyong was on his feet, chair scraping the floor with a loud noise, sharp in the otherwise roaring silence.

"Don't." Taeyong started, voice strong, heavily laced with emotion, tears streaming down his face. "I don't need your help, I'm fine."

He turned towards Ten, anger burning in his eyes, and continued in such a broken voice that the latter had to gulp down the lump in his throat.

"You have no right. No right."

A sob escaped his throat while he tried to take a deep breath and Taeyong knew his crumbling walls weren't going to last long. He had to get out of here.

"I'm sorry for being the way I am, but I just can't deal with it right now. You know I don't like talking about her."

Taeyong couldn't get himself to even say her name, grief overtaking him.

"Please don't force me." Taeyong's breathing started getting more uneven by the second. It hurt so much.

"I need to go."

Taeyong quickly turned on his feet and grabbed his coat before leaving through the door back to his empty apartment with an equally empty heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/butjaehyunie),  
> and I also have a [CC](https://curiouscat.me/ButJaehyunie) if you'd want to talk to me there!
> 
> Thank you for reading ♡


	2. Puzzle 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Sorry it took a while, but my exams are over now and I had to think about where I want to go with this story. Now that that's all set I am so excited about this chapter and really hope you like it! I might be able to give you another chapter soon, so stay on the lookout!
> 
> Come and say hello on [twitter](https://twitter.com/butjaehyunie) or talk to me on [CC](https://curiouscat.me/ButJaehyunie) I'd be more than happy to elaborate more on the characters and backstory! Also again, thank you so much to those helping me with this story, I really appreciate it ♡
> 
> Enjoy reading!

  

When Taeyong woke up the following morning, something heavy weighed down on him. It felt like a dark curtain had clouded his mind and somehow he knew it wouldn't just disappear in a few hours.

_Come on, Taeyong, you can still be somewhat productive today. Just, avoid Ten and you'll be fine. Yeah, you can do that._

See, Taeyong didn't like confrontation. Especially about things that he couldn't control, he'd feel rather useless and inept in those moments.

All year long, Taeyong put up a front and pretended to be fine. He almost believed his own lies too. It's only when the year turned around its axis, that Taeyong had to bow down under the emotional weight and admit to himself that no, he wasn't fine.

The days approaching his sister's death anniversary were always the worst. He'd lock himself up and even though he would avoid human interaction - even with his best friends - he'd feel lonelier than ever. However, this was a cycle he couldn't seem to get out of, almost at the edge of comfort within his own suffering. So, Taeyong just went along with it and let the dark veil linger around his conscious.

Pushing the covers away, Taeyong sat up and got out of bed. If his movements cost more energy today, only the people closest to him would see the change of pace. How his steps carried an inexplicable weight and his reactions slowed down. Though nobody else ever noticed, because nobody really paid enough attention.

 

❀

 

When entering the library after lunch, Taeyong immediately headed for his favourite place by the window just behind one of the last rows of bookshelves. Why was it his favourite? Simple, not many people knew about it and it was also one of the more secluded spots near the back, where not a lot of students would wander. Above that, his secret spot also happened to have been located near the poetry aisle. Just knowing there were several books and collections of his favourite poets available right around the corner, calmed him down in a soothing way.

 

After completing his assignment for his literature class, Taeyong took out his phone to check the time. Several missed calls, even more messages from Ten and even some from Kun were displayed on the screen. Though he felt a bit guilty acting this way, Taeyong still ignored them and started packing up his books. At least for today, he didn't want to think about Ten and his worries concerning him, the atmosphere around him weighing heavy enough on his shoulders..

Letting out a deep sigh, Taeyong made his way out of the library and into the Autumn afternoon. The sun was out today, and even though it was just barely peeking through the grey clouds looming over the city, Taeyong still managed to hope for some kind of sign. Something that told him he could make it through the week alright.

Somehow, Taeyong ended up thinking about Jaehyun again, the handsome younger male never seemed to stray far from his thoughts. The first thing he saw in his mind were his dimples this time. Taeyong chuckled at the thought of having wanted to poke those cute dimples the day before. His mind travelled up, and yet again it was the eyes occupying Taeyong's thoughts.

Without having realised, Taeyong was already walking through the hallways of the sports and dance building. This was the place where most of the indoor-sport activities went on. Hence, it was a very big building. Apparently though, not big enough for Taeyong not to have to run into Ten.

Taeyong cursed under his breath when he saw Ten making his way over to him, he made a quick turn and ducked into another hallway. He was planning on going to his locker first to drop off his bag with books before dance practice, but now he'd have to make a detour.

Taeyong quickened his pace and made another right turn, walking along the endless rows of lockers. He looked behind him to see if he was actually doing a good job at shaking off Ten, when suddenly he crashed into someone and was almost sent to the ground. He never reached the ground though, two strong hands holding him upright by his arms and making sure he regained his balance.

"Oh, god, I'm so sor--ry"

Taeyong had started apologising the second the shock had left him, but when he looked up, he was met again with the exact same pair of eyes that had occupied his mind.

"Taeyong? Are you alright?" Jaehyun gave Taeyong a quick once-over to check for any possible injuries, while still holding him.

"Jaehyun" in an instant Taeyong felt his mood brighten, and he almost felt embarrassed about the quick change of emotions. However, Taeyong got reminded again why he had run into the younger in the first place and frantically looked over his shoulder again for any signs of his best friend.

Jaehyun, not understanding what was going on, simply kept his hands on Taeyong's arms, making sure he wouldn't suddenly drop to the floor.

"Jaehyun, Hi, Hello!"

Quickly thinking of a way best to explain his current situation, Taeyong decided to enlist Jaehyun's help.

"I would love to stay and chat, but I really need to run, from Ten actually, my best friend. You don't happen to know any good hiding places around here do you??"

Taeyong had started to ramble a little, but Jaehyun had quickly caught on.

"Wait, you need to find a place to hide?"

"Yes! Yes please, please I need your help" Taeyong desperately answered him.

Jaehyun quickly scanned the busy hallways, looking for this possible Ten, when an idea hit him.

"Okay, come with me, I thought of something."

Jaehyun ushered Taeyong along with him, tugging him by the wrist in the direction of the basketball court and just about missed Taeyong's face lighting up at his answer. If Taeyong hadn't been so preoccupied with avoiding getting ambushed by Ten, he would've definitely liked to let his thoughts wander and get distracted by the warm feeling of Jaehyun's fingers wrapped comfortably around his wrist.

Before Taeyong could ask any questions though, Jaehyun steered them closer to the wall, turned a corner and stepped into a small gap into the wall. The space was as big as a closet for cleaning supplies at first sight, though it was actually filled with basketball equipment.

Taeyong immediately pressed himself to the wall, unconsciously tugging Jaehyun with him.

"Smart thinking Jaehyun, thanks."

Taeyong looked up at the taller male and let his shoulders sag in relief, giving the other a small smile. He noticed Jaehyun was still holding onto his wrist, fingers burning into Taeyong's skin, and had a hard time to not full out grin like a fool. Meanwhile Jaehyun didn't seem to have noticed, or if he did, he didn't seem to mind. Taeyong felt his heart flutter a little.

"No worries"

Jaehyun grinned at Taeyong and - _ah, he noticed, he definitely did_ \- there was no way he didn't with how the other shifted his hand, slowly filling in the gaps between Taeyong's fingers. Taeyong let out a soft gasp at their intertwined hands, when Jaehyun looked up, boring his endlessly deep eyes into his. Electricity seemed to course through Taeyong’s veins. He couldn't read the look in his eyes yet, though he surprised himself by really wanting to find out.

How did he not see how close they were, leaning into the wall together, Jaehyun's tall frame almost hovering over Taeyong's smaller one. Taeyong felt a blush creeping up on his cheeks and truly hoped Jaehyun wouldn't notice.

 

"Wait, wait- why are we hiding again?"

It seemed like Jaehyun had realised what they were doing, hiding in what looked like a supplies closet, Taeyong blushed even more. Never would he have thought he'd be hiding with Jaehyun in between basketballs and practice hoops, holding hands at that. Meanwhile the warm feeling spreading through his body made him feel yet more relaxed.

"Uhm, right"

Taeyong thought of a good way to explain why he was so desperately running away from Ten.

"We, uh, we had a falling out last night," suddenly the floor was very interesting, in particular that weird stain in the corner and Taeyong did his best not to think of the reason behind their falling out, dark clouds swirling in the background-

"I know it might be childish, but I really don't want to see him today..."

As his sentence continued, Jaehyun noticed Taeyong's voice getting smaller in volume and the lack of eye contact made him start to worry. He had only known Taeyong for a day, but it was obvious the effect he already had on Jaehyun.

Squeezing Taeyong's hand in his, Jaehyun silently asked Taeyong to look up again and continued tugging, before he spoke.

"You seem like you could use a distraction."

Taeyong opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. The taller had a glint in his eye, which he didn't know how to interpret.

"I've got basketball practice right now, but meet me at the entrance of the gym at 5."

Jaehyun expectantly met Taeyong's eyes and the latter couldn't help being charmed by the other's invitation.

"Okay."

Taeyong found himself nodding along, not being able to say no, not that he wanted to…

"I've got dance now, but I'm free later."

Taeyong revelled at the way Jaehyun's face lit up, and he almost lost his breath seeing those dimples appear again.

"Good, I'll see you at 5."

Jaehyun smiled and squeezed his hand again before he let go, and turned around to make his way to the locker rooms.

Taeyong let out a breath after seeing the other leave, but before he could make another move, Jaehyun was back again panting a little from the short distance he ran.

 

"Wait- I don't have your number." He managed to get it out in one go, gasping for breath after. Taeyong found himself reciprocating Jaehyun's beautiful smile and typed his phone number into Jaehyun's phone under ‘new contact’.

After Taeyong got his phone back from Jaehyun, they both went their own ways. Making sure Ten was nowhere to be found in the hallway, Taeyong sneaked to his locker, quickly changed his bags and left in the direction of his practice room. While walking, he thanked the lucky stars Ten had other dance classes, since he was a dance major and his classes were more advanced.

Taeyong took one last lingering look at the hand Jaehyun held just minutes before and couldn't ignore the warm feeling spreading through his chest once more. He shook it off though, while entering the room, ready to lose himself in today's routine.

 

❀

 

When Taeyong gathered his bag from his locker after dance practice, it was almost 5pm. He wondered if Jaehyun would already be waiting for him in front of the gym. Taeyong had quickly showered after practice and as he made his way to their meeting point, several water droplets fell into his neck from the tips of his hair. Shaking his hand through the soft, light, red strands, Taeyong tried drying it some more.

Jaehyun wasn't there yet, but Taeyong was early, so he stood in front of the door of the gym to wait for the other. While Taeyong was thinking about what Jaehyun possibly could have meant by 'distraction' and while also simultaneously staring at his left palm, trying to remember what it felt like when Jaehyun had held it, a zooming noise interrupted his thinking. It was a text message from the man occupying his thoughts himself, saying he'd be there in a few minutes.

 

**To Jaehyunnie ^-^:**

Sure! I'm already here!

 

Taeyong wrote a quick reply and before he could go back to daydreaming about the other man's soft hands, another incoming message demanded his attention.

 

**From Tennie:**

Yong please call me back, I just want to know if you're alright. You can talk to me, you know that right?

 

If anything could shake him awake like being drenched with ice-cold water, it was this. Immediately Taeyong's mood changed and took a 180 degrees turn. Suddenly the heaviness present this morning broke through his defences and his mind traveled to another place.

11th of October, his phone told him. _11th of October_

_11th of October_

_11th of October._

 

Anxiety hit him like the breath being knocked from his lungs by an invisible force. The exhaustion accumulated from dancing almost crushed the last ray of energy left in his body. Taeyong wanted to go home and block out the noise in his head making it hard to breath. And yet, he halted after just having taken one step. _And yet..._

 _Jaehyunnie_ , Taeyong felt himself caught between two forces pulling on both of his arms. Somewhere in the distance he noted he had started to shake slightly, arms covered in goosebumps, despite the layered outfit he had picked out in the morning. His purple hoodie was not living up to its purpose of shielding him from the cold breeze anymore. His thoughts were drifting off to a darker place and Taeyong's eyes had started to sting. He was tired and he was used up. _And yet..._

 

"Taeyong!"

Taeyong hadn't heard the other approaching him, mind too busy on its own. Caught off guard, he turned around, body moving on automatic pilot. Taeyong took a sharp breath.

Jaehyun was handsome yes, very. However, Jaehyun freshly showered, towel in his hand, raking through his wet hair was another sight to behold. Clad in black jeans, deep burgundy hoodie and finished with a blue jean jacket, his outfit was all kinds of right. Jaehyun smiled using his entire body, directed straight at Taeyong. His aura gave off a vibrating calmness, his smile working very contagious, though Taeyong couldn't smile back. Still half lost in thought, stuck in this feeling eating him up, Taeyong had lost his natural glow.

He watched as Jaehyun's smile instantly disappeared and an unfamiliar look stared down at him. By now, Jaehyun had come to a stop right in front of Taeyong, towel discarded and returned to his bag, it took him exactly one second to roam his eyes over the older's face.

In the back of his mind, Taeyong felt sorry for not getting himself to match Jaehyun's energy and mood, he just simply couldn't put his mask back on. Jaehyun made it very easy for him to let his guard down, somehow he just knew it was alright. This was safe. He didn't like the way the younger's face looked this serious and intense. A frown had started to grow in Taeyong's expression and he wanted to ask the other what was wrong, but refrained himself from doing that.

 

"Hi...", Taeyong's voice exclaimed faintly instead.

"Hey," Jaehyun murmured back.

Jaehyun took one more look at Taeyong's fallen and forlorn expression and reached for Taeyong's hand again. Entwining their hands once more, Taeyong felt bolts travelling up his arm. The good kind, the ones replenishing his energy levels, pepping up his adrenaline, slowly.

"I got you," Jaehyun added in a soft but steady voice, brown eyes boring into Taeyong's red-rimmed ones, "let's go."

Taeyong gave Jaehyun a small smile, of which he knew didn't reach his eyes, Jaehyun only tightened his grip on the other's hand in response and lead the way.

 

❀

 

Taeyong and Jaehyun had fallen into a comfortable silence while walking through the streets just outside of campus. Jaehyun hadn't said anything about where they were going, but Taeyong trusted him in a way that he couldn't explain. There was just something about the younger's presence that made him want to spend time with him. It made him want to be close, feel his body warmth, it made him want to talk, for hours long about any- and everything, no stops, no hesitations, no off-limit topics; it didn't matter what it was.

Even just walking like this, hand in hand, there was something about Jaehyun that made him feel vibrantly alive, energy charging, lighting up. His heart beat a tad faster whenever their gazes crossed, it was almost addictive and Taeyong didn't know what it meant exactly, if it meant anything at all. He was more intrigued than scared, Taeyong wanted to find out just about everything there was to the other.

"Are you hungry?" Jaehyun asked, turning his body to face the other, squeezing his hand. It might have been too early for dinner, but Taeyong had just danced for hours too.

"Mhm, I'm starving."

"Good." Oh, how Taeyong loved that easy-going smile Jaehyun seemed to give so effortlessly.

"I know this really good Chinese place just a few blocks away." Jaehyun continued.

"Then by all means, lead the way, kind sir."

Looking at Taeyong and seeing the light return to his eyes, mischievous glint present, Jaehyun felt a rush of joy travel through his body.

He told himself right then and there he'd make sure to give Taeyong all the distraction in the world if only it meant seeing him glow like this.

 

❀

 

Taeyong had only let Jaehyun pay for the food when the other told him he could pay next time. Admittedly, the 'next time' had left him reeling for a second, before he could get his act together. It still made him blush to no end, hoping Jaehyun wouldn't take notice of it. The latter did take notice of it, however, and stored it away in his memories under 'sights I never want to forget", Taeyong didn't need to know about that though.

At least Jaehyun had let Taeyong carry the take out bag as they walked back to campus. Jaehyun had only let go of Taeyong's hand to reach for his wallet to pay and before Taeyong could even think about it, his hand was enveloped in Jaehyun's bigger one once more.

The sky was gradually turning darker as the autumn breeze waltzed over the campus grounds. When walking back into the sports building, Taeyong was dumbfounded as to where they were going, he was just about to voice his doubts when the taller male opened a door to the side, and dragged him up the stairs several floors.

They ended up in a narrow hallway, which they crossed into another stairwell. When Taeyong finally reached the top, Jaehyun having pulled him up mostly, fresh air greeted him again as he looked out over the entire campus from above.

He could see the tops of the trees in the park he walks through every day to class, the lecture hall from the day before where he saw Jaehyun for the first time and even Moon's Mocha, Taeil's cafe in the opposite corner.

 

"Did you know Moon's Mocha now has a resident cat?"

Taeyong turned around and joined Jaehyun in setting their makeshift table. There were several other objects littered around the roof, an empty beer crate, some chairs and so on. This definitely wasn't Jaehyun's first time visiting the roof.

"A cat? A cafe-cat? That's so adorable! Since when?? I was there just yesterday." Taeyong ended his sentence in a pout.

"She was at the vet yesterday for a check up. I think they found her a few weeks ago. It was Johnny, my best friend, who found her. He's Taeil's boyfriend."

"Oh yeah, I think I've seen him around"

Taeyong started munching on his food and let out a sigh.

"Oh dear lord, this is so good."

"I told you it was." Jaehyun had a smug expression on his face before he continued talking.

"Anyways, apparently Johnny begged Taeil to keep the cat, since she’d wandered around the cafe for days already. And Taeil can never say no to Johnny, so they kept her."

Jaehyun smiled, if it was because of the story he was telling or the amused and happy expression on Taeyong's face, he couldn't tell.

"You know Taeil, when he does something, he does it well. He arranged the official adoption last week."

Taeyong did know Taeil. After all, he had been going to Moon's Mocha for a long time.

"My heart is melting, that's so cute, what did they name her?"

"You'll never guess." Jaehyun chuckled.

"Don't tell me they named her after a dessert or coffee or something, Cappuccino, or Frappuccino, or no wait! Macchiato!"

Taeyong had to do his best to stifle his giggles, eyes turning into crescent moons from laughing.

"Bingo." Jaehyun exclaimed, laughing, "In their defence, she does look like a macchiato, all the right colours and everything."

"Oh god," Taeyong didn't know whether to laugh or weep out of sheer adorableness. If it wasn't clear before, he really liked animals.

"So you've seen her?"

"Yeah, she was at the cafe this morning, already strutting around like she owned the place. Maybe she does..."

Taeyong took another bite from his noodles and sighed with a longing gaze.

"Ha, meanwhile I'm here wondering if my cat is still alive." Jaehyun noticed Taeyong's expression getting darker.

"I haven't seen him in a while. He's at my parents' place." Taeyong cleared his throat.

"Wouldn't your parents take care of him then?"

"I don't know, I don't really talk to either of them."

 

Sensing the darker turn in conversation, Jaehyun quickly interfered.

"My mom is a classical musician. I grew up listening to piano and cello concertos, I know enough significant composers to last me a lifetime," Jaehyun chuckled. "she even taught me how to play the piano. It's been a while since I've played now, but I do enjoy an occasional classical piece."

"So that's why..." Taeyong mumbled quietly, thinking about the other's calmness and confident charm.

"What about your dad?"

"Aha, now it gets interesting. My parents met in high school, both studying music. Whereas my mom was taught classical music, my dad always preferred Jazz and blues. Jazz is more free and liberating, it's more about feeling and improvising. He plays the saxophone. You could say they were high school sweethearts. I grew up in a wonderful mix of both worlds."

Taeyong was fascinated, he had never thought about so much music together in one household. He wondered what it was like. It sounded very lovely.

Jaehyun leaned against the railing, looking out over the campus at the sky emitting beautiful colours, like a harmony.

 

_"A beautiful sunset that was mistaken for a dawn."_

Jaehyun looked over at Taeyong for a moment, seemingly pondering over something, before looking back at the view.

"Claude Debussy once said _“There is nothing more musical than a sunset. He who feels what he sees will find no more beautiful example of development in all that book which, alas, musicians read but too little - the book of Nature.”_ ”

Taeyong walked over to Jaehyun's side to look at the view, "That's beautiful. I hadn't pegged you for someone who appreciates these kind of words. You're full of surprises Jaehyun."

Jaehyun turned to look at Taeyong beside him.

"I don't know how to play an instrument, nor did I grow up with music. But I dance, and I'm a typical bookworm, just the usual, I read and I write." Taeyong continued.

"I don't think there's anything typical about you."

Jaehyun's dimples showed when he smiled. He seemed to calculate for a second.

_"Where words fail, mu-"_

" _Music speaks_. Hans Christian Andersen." Taeyong finished beaming.

"Hans Christian Andersen." Jaehyun repeated, nodding.

"I like poetry," Taeyong shivered in the night sky and suddenly he remembered something.

"When I was young I found this big poetry book in the library, I used to open it on random pages and just read what was written, without really grasping what it was about. There was one poem that I always remembered, though, because I liked it so much. It's called Snowflakes by Emily Dickinson. I love Emily Dickinson."

Lost in thought, Taeyong continued.

"My sister, she, she loved the snow. I don't know if I preferred the sight of it or if I even liked playing outside, but every Winter on the first day of snow, we'd go outside and make snow angels. Every year on the first day of snow."

Jaehyun noticed Taeyong's faraway look in his eyes shuffled a bit closer, he didn't miss Taeyong shivering while he spoke.

"We didn't care if other people thought we were too old to be making snow angels, we did it either way, it was tradition." Taeyong smiled.

"I haven't made a snow angel since she-" Taeyong stopped, smile turned bitter. He shook his head, trying to shake his thoughts into order.

He shrugged. "It's been a while," Taeyong turned a bit more inward, hugging himself, eyes cast downwards.

"She sounds lovely." Jaehyun commented.

"Yeah, she was."

Taeyong stared back at him, eyes void of emotion though at the same time screaming in pain. Jaehyun got the message.

 

"Let's go back, you're freezing." Jaehyun said after a while of easy conversation. The sky had completely turned dark, clock indicating 9pm. It had gotten colder too, the night getting chillier.

On their way back out of the building, it was Taeyong this time reaching for Jaehyun's hand. The latter pulled him closer trying to share his body warmth with him. Jaehyun had offered to walk Taeyong home, since he didn't like leaving Taeyong all alone in the cold. Taeyong wanted to stay with Jaehyun as long as he could.

As they were walking through the park, conversation was brought around to Jaehyun working at Moon's Mocha.

"How long have you been working there? I'm a regular and I had never seen you before."

"A few weeks already? Though Taeil trained me in the kitchen first. He taught me all the recipes for the pastries and desserts. He just let me loose serving in the cafe starting yesterday."

"Ah," That did make sense. "Now I get it."

 

Having already reached Taeyong's building, it was time to bid their goodbyes.

"Thank you Jaehyun." Taeyong said, "I really needed that distraction."

Jaehyun gave the older a dimpled smile.

"My pleasure. I had a lot of fun." Jaehyun squeezed their intertwined hands.

"I wouldn't mind doing it again, as long as you appreciate me distracting you."

Taeyong smiled. "Hhmm, Then how about this... If I recall correctly, I was promised a batch of Moon's Mocha's best chocolate muffins.."

Taeyong looked up mischievously and Jaehyun let out a laugh.

"That is true, then how about you come over tomorrow to the cafe near the end of my shift and you can watch me make them for you, yourself? If you're lucky you might be able to catch a glimpse of Macchiato."

Taeyong made a small gasp and Jaehyun saw his eyes twinkling even in the faint light from the street lantern. Taeyong looked beautiful, Jaehyun could stare for hours. Taeyong shivered again, and took out his keys.

"Deal, I will text you in the morning and come to see you bake later."

"Deal" Jaehyun grinned.

 

Before Jaehyun could think about all proper ways of saying goodbye, Taeyong had already moved in and wrapped his arms around the taller's waist. Not what Jaehyun had expected him to do at all, but still very welcome. Jaehyun was secretly over the moon.

He let go of Taeyong's hand and pulled Taeyong in for a warm hug. Taeyong let out a contented sigh. Partly because of the warmth enveloping him, but also partly because, well, Jung Jaehyun was a very good hugger. Several seconds later, they both let go of each other and took a few steps back.

 

"Goodnight Taeyong."

 

"Goodnight Jae, get home safe"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/butjaehyunie),  
> and I also have a [CC](https://curiouscat.me/ButJaehyunie) if you'd want to talk to me there!
> 
> Thank you for reading ♡


	3. Puzzle 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rainy day for Taeyong in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! I'm back and again so sorry for taking so long! I am so excited about this chapter so please enjoy!

If Taeyong had any hopes of being productive in a somewhat deceiving way the next day, all  that went down the drain the moment he woke up gasping for breath in the middle of the night. It was a pity, since he had really hoped for a peaceful sleep after having such a wonderful time with Jaehyun the previous night. Just being with the taller, dimpled male had lifted his spirits and distracted him from what was actually happening in the dark swirls at the back of his mind.

Taeyong was very thankful and hoped he hadn't been a nuisance, though just feeling the other's presence close had numbed his pain and felt so natural. It had felt so natural that he'd have a hard time believing Jaehyun had done anything against his will the night before, judging by his actions and own initiations.

Drenched in cold sweat, limbs covered in goosebumps, Taeyong needed more than a few minutes to perceive his surroundings. He was in his bed, and it was dark. The alarm clock on the bedside table read a blaring 3:26 AM and the apartment was quiet all around, except for the raging storm just outside his window. The sky had been a collision of colours on the rooftop, too pretty to be innocent as it turns out, seeing as the rain was merciless and the thunder following the frequent flashes of light, bellowed through the night.

Though that was just it. Inside, it was quiet, too quiet. Taeyong felt so small. He couldn't gulp down the sudden cry that broke free from his chest. Hot tears rolled down his face as the one image he tried so hard to ban from his eyelids seemed to awaken the darkness in him whenever he closed his eyes. Ji Eun, in all her beauty, fair skin, familiar comforting touch, lovely smile, soft eyes.

Eyes which were now pitch-black instead of her brown warm ones and staring right through his soul. Dead, cold eyes and suddenly her skin was scarred and she wasn't smiling anymore and if he concentrated hard enough he could almost recall the piercing scream he had heard minutes ago in his nightmare and-

"No-" Taeyong choked out, "stop, please don't hurt her, stop." followed by whimpers laced with agony. "Make it stop."

Taeyong knew saying those words wasn't going to make a difference. Saying them didn't change what happened exactly two years ago. And although Taeyong's imagination liked to make him suffer by running wild and making him think of the most excruciating scenarios of what happened that night, it was the only thing he could do. The gears of his brain had long outrun his power to steer away to warmer places.

It was a never-ending cycle, again and again. There never was any closure, since they had never captured his sister's killers. They never found out why she was found with a bullet through her heart in an empty and abandoned alley in the outskirts of the city. Taeyong never found out what exactly happened that night two years ago.

His parents had long given up on the truth and Taeyong in his turn had not forgiven them for giving up on their daughter. At this point, they were only on civil speaking terms, a phone call once in a while, and that was it, just for appearances. Not that Taeyong mourned not having his parents around. They had been quite cold in their upbringing and there's a reason Ji Eun was his everything. He didn't have much else growing up.

 

Crawling out of the already tainted comfort of his bed, Taeyong slowly made his way to the big window in the living room, blanket draped around him. His muscles hurt, straining his movements, maybe he should've tried balancing out his energy usage more. Though not really caring about the pain in his joints, Taeyong let himself sink to the floor in a heap of limbs and fleece, tired eyes trained on the darkness separated from him by the glass window.

Whenever he had nightmares, he preferred staying awake instead of trying to go back to sleep, bad dreams haunting him endlessly, making it hard to surrender to sleep. So Taeyong just sat there, staring into black nothingness, consistency of the rain giving off some feeling close to reassurance.

 

Hours passed and by now Taeyong was staring at the leg of the coffee table, curled into a ball on his side, still tangled in his blanket. Time was a strange concept, passing quickly, passing slowly. But Taeyong wasn't thinking about the time, he wasn't even thinking about anything that was not related to his sister and trying not to think about her. His method wasn't really effective.

Somewhere along, Taeyong fell asleep again, too exhausted to keep fighting against his drooping eyes. The patter of the rain still against the glass lulled him to sleep, the weather outside clearly reflecting his inner demons.

 

❀

 

Fast forward several hours and Ten was left with an empty seat next to him in the lecture hall. It was clear by now Taeyong wouldn't be coming today and Ten also knew he wouldn't be getting out of his apartment at all.

Worry overtook his concentration as he let his mind go back to how he found his best friend passed out on the floor of his apartment the year before. Luckily it had not been anything bad, his sugar levels were too low and he was dehydrated, which had made him faint. Though Ten had never been more frightened in his life, and he wished from the bottom of his heart he would never find himself in the same situation again.

Just like now, Taeyong hadn't shown up to class, and Ten had let it slide, knowing he needed time to himself. He had tried reaching him, though, texting and calling, but Taeyong hadn't answered, just like today...

_He promised, he promised to take care of himself and to never let it happen again. Keep your head clear, Ten, so you can give these notes to Yong later._

Getting his phone out of his bag, Ten decided to message his best friend and check up on him.

 

**To Yong:**

Yong you're not coming right? Please take care of yourself :(

 

Just as he was about to lock his phone, another message popped up on his screen.

 

**From Kunnie <3:**

Babe, you forgot your keys, if you need them I could pass by and give them to you. If not, just tell me when you're home, since I don't have class today <3

 

Ten cursed slowly under his breath while noticing that, indeed, his keys were missing. Before he could reply, though, another message popped up on his screen.

 

**From Kunnie <3:**

Oh btw, is Taeyong there? Did he show up to class today? I know you're worried about him, I am too :/

 

Ten sighed while quickly typing up a reply that no, Taeyong hadn't shown up, he thanked his boyfriend for thinking about him and told him he'll head home straight after his lecture and locked his phone.

Shaking his head, Ten decided to cook up a meal when he got home and go around to Taeyong's place later. No way was he letting history repeat itself, not on his watch.

Meanwhile, the professor droned on about a future assignment and Ten tried to focus, he was sure his future self would thank him for it.

 

❀

 

By the time 3 o' clock rolled around, Jaehyun was almost done with his shift at Moon's Mocha and apart from filling his head with the usual; cleaning tables, serving customers and assisting Taeil in the kitchen, there was one other constant floating through his mind. A constant presence that made him feel unusually nervous the more time passed.

Even more doubts had started creeping through his usual confidence, as Taeyong hadn't texted him like he told him he would. Jaehyun had been looking forward to baking chocolate muffins for the elder the entirety of his shift, but unfortunately that chance was also slimming down by the minute.

Eventually, Jaehyun ended up messaging Taeyong himself, asking if he still wanted to come, though the other hadn't answered either. In all honesty, Jaehyun was getting worried, which was probably the reason for this sudden antsy feeling coursing through his body. He knew there was something burdening Taeyong, he could feel it in his bones, it almost felt like there was something dark and heavy looming over them.

As much as he wanted Taeyong to trust him and confide in him, he also knew Taeyong would choose to open up when he felt most comfortable in Jaehyun's company, whenever that might be. Taeyong would know, he was sure. And Jaehyun would be patient and present along the way, Jaehyun would be there like a rock for Taeyong to lean and hold on to. What this instant need to be close to Taeyong and support him was, Jaehyun did not know.

It even felt logical somehow, even more natural for him to be at Taeyong's side. His automatic confidence when looking at Taeyong and thinking about the smaller male must mean something. So Jaehyun, always having relied on his gut and what his heart told him, believed what this heart of his was trying to communicate. He would find out along the way what it all meant.

As much as Jaehyun might have got insecure for a moment, a sudden reminder of the warm hug shared between them the night before sparked his confidence and with it, his worry. So when Taeil told Jaehyun he could go home, Jaehyun stayed and started on his muffins. If Taeyong wasn't coming to him and his baking, Jaehyun would deliver these muffins right to the man himself.

The latter was probably the only one that could make him nervous, trembling knees and stuttering heart along for the ride. The only one, moreover, to awaken his long lost insecurities about his baking, _what if Taeyong doesn't like my muffins?_

Frankly, even when applying for his job at Taeil's cafe and demonstrating his capability in front of the owner himself, Jaehyun hadn't felt nervous. Not like this. But Jaehyun liked these nerves for one simple reason. It was Taeyong.

 

❀

 

Taeyong groaned when he woke up from his slumber, napping on the ground definitely wasn't the best decision he'd made, his muscles protesting and screaming for a softer surface to rest on. Though his uncomfortable position wasn't what made him discard sleep and scramble for a pen and paper.

Sometimes Taeyong would get these bursts of inspiration, sometimes words seemed to flow out of him and push him until he could write them all down. It was like a waterfall this time and he had to be careful to not stumble and drown or lose words as they seemed to appear and vanish from his mind before he could think much about it. Drowsiness present behind his eyelids, Taeyong quickly penned everything down in his notebook, not caring about his handwriting, he could fix that later.

 

 _it's been raining outside  
_ _of the heavens, of the skies_

 _it's been raining in my mind  
_ _from my thoughts, from my eyes_

 _like a constant, like a drain  
_ _what will it refrain?_

it drops and spitters, splatters  
_where does it end?  
_what does it mend?

 _still i lean against the glass  
_ _cold, almost feel it on my skin_

 _still i feel it inside  
_ _it keeps raining in my heart_

 _it's been raining outside  
_ _of the heavens, of the skies_

 _it's been raining in my mind  
_ _from my thoughts, from my eyes_

 _where does it end?  
_ _what does it mend?_

_i am drenched_

_i am numb._

  


Taeyong didn't even try to reread what he just wrote, his eyes prickled enough as it was. He looked up and the rain outside only established everything he poured out of his system minutes before. He left his pen on top of his open notebook on the coffee table and dragged himself to the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, but he knew he had to eat something to settle his queasy stomach. He took some crackers out of a packet and filled himself a glass of water.

While finishing his water, Taeyong felt his limbs getting heavier again and eyelids drooping. Still exhausted, he managed to drag himself back to the sofa and immediately fell back asleep just as his blanket covered his shoulders.

 

❀

 

"Macchiatooo," Jaehyun cooed.

The cat had currently decided to keep Jaehyun some company while he waited and counted down the last minutes for his muffins to be ready. Macchiato had wandered around the counter just as Jaehyun let out a deep sigh and tried calling Taeyong another time.

As if sensing his uneasiness, the cat halted her actions and slowly approached him with an inspecting gaze. Locking his phone after another call ended in voicemail, Jaehyun beckoned her closer and petted the cat behind the ears.

"Sorry Macchiato, you'll see Taeyongie another day, I promise. I'm sure something came up today."

Macchiato purred in response and curled her gold and brown tail around his arm, it seemed like she was telling him it was okay and had wanted to comfort him in some way.

 

_-Ding-_

Jaehyun re-entered the kitchen and took the sweets out of the oven. After gathering his things together and letting the muffins cool down for a moment before placing them in a container, Jaehyun made his way to the entrance of the cafe.

Macchiato had followed him to the door and nuzzled her head against his leg before he could leave through them entirely. Jaehyun stopped for a second, _'It'll be okay.'_ she seemed to want to say, and she tilted her head to the side.

 _It'll be okay._ Jaehyun chanted inside his head, as he made his way through the rain.

_It'll be okay._

 

❀

 

Ten took a deep breath when ringing the bell and stared at Taeyong's apartment door number. Back at home, Kun had helped preparing the food and given him some courage before sending him out the door. Ten smiled, thinking back to his boyfriend's antics and wondered where he'd be right now if it weren't for him.

_I would be alright, though not as happy as I am now. I would still have Yongie by my side._

 

Seemingly waking up from his train of thoughts, Ten rang the doorbell a second time.

_Please open up Yong._

Ten took a few steps closer to the door and put his ear against it to see if he could hear any sounds or signs of life. Suddenly the situation seemed very familiar, like a déjà vu, though it was really happening. He quickly pushed the memories to the back of his mind. Ten felt very conflicted, he new Taeyong needed space and valued his time alone, though he couldn't help but start to get nervous as one bad scenario after the other unfurled in his head.

Ten knocked twice on the door now.

"Yong? Yongie, it's me." -silence.

"Yongie, please open the door, I know you're in there." -silence, though this time, Ten could hear movement on the other side of the door. His heart jumped up out of relief, he knew Taeyong wouldn't break his promise. Light and slow footsteps echoed from underneath the door. However, the door stayed closed and the footsteps faded.

 _Did he not hear me?_ Ten thought, _Maybe this is a bad moment._ He let his eyes wander down to the food container in his arms, his next possible actions intertwined with his insecurities lining up. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Ten overreacted and just jumped to conclusions.

He stayed in front of the other's door for a minute more, confidence disappearing by the second, contemplating on his next move. He could knock once more on the door and give Taeyong the food, tell him to take care and that he loves him, or he could leave and take the food back home or even leave it in front of the door, but then would Taeyong even see it? Ten knew he had a habit of staying inside...

Eventually his insecurities won over the slinking worry- Taeyong was awake and well, moving around even, that was already a big step up from last year. So Ten turned on his heel and walked back to the elevator.

 

When Ten arrived at the entrance of the apartment building, he would have almost passed the familiar mob of brown hair (wet because of the rain), were it not for the grim expression and steady pace the other held. Already turning around, hugging the container close to his body, Ten called out.

"Hey!"

The taller of the two swivelled around with a surprised look plastered on his face.

"You're here to see Taeyong, right?", Ten added.

If the other had been surprised before, speechless was the better term right now.

_Gotcha._

Ten thought it was amusing how the other male looked like a deer caught in headlights upon hearing his words. _Nothing escapes me._

Taeyong might not have spoken to him these last few days, however, Ten was smart. He wasn't called Taeyong's best friend for nothing. Ten knew Taeyong through and through, sometimes even better than Taeyong himself, especially when he found himself so lost like he was at the moment. Which was also why Ten knew from the get go that whoever his best friend accepted around him and chose to spend time with, they were so very important. It wasn't a regular occurrence to see Taeyong opening up to someone new.

For the second time that week, Ten gave the man a once-over and studied him, though this time from up close. Tall, handsome features, clear skin, athletic build; however, it wasn't the physical part Ten was looking for. He searched the eyes, read body posture and spied beyond what was obvious to the eye.

The man's eyes oozed a raw sincerity, the kind that caught you in a trance and Ten was only convinced more of what he already believed to be true. This must be Jaehyun, the one Taeyong had mentioned during the dinner on Monday. Ten had done some digging and was satisfied to see his guesses had been right.

"Who's asking?" Jaehyun answered.

Ten could almost see the cogs turning in his brain.

"I'm Ten, Taeyong's best friend."

If Ten was right, he'd see a wave of realisation appear on Jaehyun's face in 3-2-1, and there it was. Taeyong had spoken about him at least.

"Ah, did you just see him? Is he alright? I'm Jaehyun, by the way."

Ten glanced back at the container and knew he was about to make to right decision.

"You're going to see him right?"

Confused, Jaehyun nodded. "He didn't answer his phone, I wanted to check up on him... Is everything okay with him?"

Ten paused before answering, "Please make sure he eats this."

He handed the box containing the beef stew, rice and veggies over to Jaehyun.

"He sometimes forgets about himself, please make sure he's alright."

_Right at this moment, it's not about me, it's about you Yongie._

Ten knew he must have had a very serious and worried expression and Jaehyun only directly picked up on it. His frown deepened and with it, his worry was probably mounting even more.

"What's going on, Ten?" Jaehyun tried for an answer once more and Ten gave him a steady stare before sharing something he thought the other must be aware of.

"Taeyong has just had a hard couple of years, I've only seen his carefree, happy smile once in all this time. Not a forced, fake one that everyone fell for, except for me."

Ten felt his eyes water a bit, but refused to give in to the feeling.

"In two years, I've only ever seen him smile like that...," Ten paused to really let the implications of his words sink in with Jaehyun, "...when he was with you, yesterday. I know he was running away from me. And then I saw you two," a delicate, but thankful smile appeared on Ten's face, "I know you won't fuck this up, Jaehyun. Take care of my best friend."

It was a warning as much as it was a plea and Ten knew he had said enough now.

"I'll see you around, Jaehyun." Ten nodded and pivoted around a last time, while pulling his hood over his head and disappearing through the doors into the pouring rain outside.

 

❀

 

As much as Jaehyun had wanted to chase after Ten and demand explanations, his feet immediately carried himself in the opposite direction, towards the elevator. He remembered from yesterday Taeyong mentioned living on the third floor of the apartment complex, number 327 to be exact.

In the elevator, Jaehyun tried to calm his breathing, his stomach had flipped over at the thought of Taeyong not being well at all. His nerves were spiralling out of control as the elevator almost reached the third floor. He clutched the food container Ten gave him tightly between his fingers, his own muffins safely positioned in his backpack.

When he got to Taeyong’s door, Jaehyun wasted no time and knocked, announcing his presence.

“Taeyong? It’s me, Jaehyun. Are you okay? I brought you some muffins, they’re freshly baked. I know you’re inside, please open the door.”

_Please please open the door for me._

Jaehyun didn’t have to wait a long time, a few seconds later, the door opened to reveal a small figure seemingly leaning onto the door for support. Jaehyun felt his eyes widen as he looked at Taeyong and the way he was obviously trying to hold all the pain inside and not let it show on his face, failing miserably. There were dark circles present underneath his eyes, which were swollen and red and held so much pain, Jaehyun felt it rolling off of him in waves.

“Jaehyun?” Taeyong’s voice cracked because of exhaustion and disbelief.

Jaehyun took a few steps closer until he was inside and closed the door, taking the handle from Taeyong. He put his backpack and container down on the nearest surface he could find and when he held his arms open and took Taeyong into his embrace, Jaehyun felt the other crumble and grab onto his shirt. He tightened his grip on Taeyong’s shoulders while he felt him take a few shaky breaths against his chest.

“I’m here, Taeyong, I got you, I promise.” And as Taeyong broke down, Jaehyun tried to stay strong as he could feel a part of his heart breaking with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/butjaehyunie),  
> and I also have a [CC](https://curiouscat.me/ButJaehyunie) if you'd want to talk to me there! I love interacting with everyone, so don't hesitate to say hi!
> 
> Thank you for reading ♡


	4. Puzzle 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gave Jaehyun a beautiful smile, head tilted to the side. “Don’t worry, I don’t think I’ll get tired of you anytime soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo my loves, I’m back with a new chapter and I’m sorry it took me so long. To make it up to everyone, this chapter is my longest yet and I’m really proud of it.
> 
> Thank you to my beta, Lisanna, for being such a darling and my roomie for putting up with me and loving my ideas ily <3 also thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to keep writing!
> 
> Small trigger warning: this chapter deals with loss of a family member, just a heads up.
> 
> I have a playlist specifically for this story; so if you want to [check it out](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6C5VduJQvjZFnrIp5mMbnI?si=m8c5OuJgQCeZfrgmRZ8a4g) :)
> 
> Enjoy reading!

 

Jaehyun was currently sitting on the couch with a sobbing Taeyong clutching onto him and it took everything in him to keep himself calm. Seeing Taeyong like this hurt, he wanted to know just who was responsible for making the other go through so much pain. He wished he could do something more, other than keeping Taeyong safe in his arms and letting him cry his eyes out.

He had managed to move them to the couch and Taeyong curled up into him from the moment they sat down. Jaehyun knew his shirt would be wet from his tears, but he didn't care, as he had already been drenched from the rain. Frankly, he didn't care at all, since this was Taeyong and Taeyong had made his way up to be considered as one of the most important people in Jaehyun's life at the moment. He didn't know about the specifics, everything would make sense in the end, he believed.

After a while, Taeyong's cries got quieter and Jaehyun could feel him starting to shiver beneath him. Taeyong, by instinct, moved even closer into Jaehyun's usual warmth, only to realise it was cold and he raised his head to take a good look at Jaehyun.

A gasp made its way out of Taeyong's mouth when he realised Jaehyun had been completely drenched by the rain and guilt started to eat away at him for not noticing earlier. In between hiccups and some last tears that made their way down his face, Taeyong panicked.

"J- Jaehyun, you- you're gonna get sick." Taeyong scrambled away and suddenly a spike of nerves coursed through his system.

"Taeyong, I'm fine, don't worry about it."

"N-No, oh my god I'm the worst, how could I not see."

Taeyong disappeared into another room and Jaehyun could still hear his hiccups from where he was seated. He already started to feel guilty about his jacket, soaking the back of Taeyong's sofa. 

Taeyong returned quickly after Jaehyun removed his jacket and in his arms he carried a towel and something that looked like dry clothes.

"Take it off, you're gonna get sick, I'm so sorry."

It seemed like Taeyong was hyper-focused on getting Jaehyun into something dry, because nothing Jaehyun said stopped him from getting pushed into a bathroom with the order of getting changed as quickly as possible. Jaehyun was only glad Taeyong had been able to calm down and get distracted by something else, so he obeyed.

Even though it was really not the right time to think about it, Jaehyun felt just a bit giddy inside from the faint smell of lilies on the clothes he was wearing now. Taeyong always smelt like lilies. He stepped back into the living room clad in a dark blue shirt and black pair of sweatpants that were probably already oversized for Taeyong as they fit him just right.

When he opened the door, Jaehyun was immediately dragged back to the couch. Taeyong didn't hesitate to kneel next to him and tried his best to dry Jaehyun's hair with a towel.

"You really didn't have to, Taeyong, but thank you."

"I'm so stupid for not realising before. I'm sorry, this is the least I could do."

Taeyong continued to fuss over Jaehyun's wet state for a few minutes more and then suddenly Jaehyun reached up and pulled his arm down, successfully making him drop the towel. Taeyong's gaze shifted and their eyes met again before Jaehyun heard a sniffle coming from the other.

"I promise I'm okay, please stop worrying about me."

Jaehyun spoke softly, before he reached out and with his right hand, cupped the other's cheek and brushed away a lone tear with his thumb. Taeyong let out a sigh, not without trembling and sniffled some more after Jaehyun removed his hand.

"Come here," Jaehyun pulled him closer, back into his embrace and Taeyong felt relieved, slowly warming up again. Jaehyun was safe, Taeyong knew he could trust him with this burden gnawing at his heart. The instant calming effect Jaehyun had on Taeyong helped a lot too. Being like this, it felt right.

"What happened?" Jaehyun asked softly and although Taeyong had expected it, he didn't know what to say. "Who made you feel this way?"

Lips pressed together in a tight line and a wobble of a chin, Jaehyun saw it unfurling before his eyes.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me."

The thing is that Taeyong wanted to tell him. Something inside him pushed and pushed, he needed to tell Jaehyun.

"I can see you suffering, Taeyong, I know you're going through something, but I'm not letting you do this alone." Jaehyun continued, slightly shaking his head, "I refuse to let you suffer and hurt here all by yourself. You don't have to tell me what's going on if you don't want to, just know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Taeyong sat up right, making Jaehyun's arm drop to the side from where he had been stroking his back, giving comfort.

"Why are you doing this?"

Taeyong needed to know, he didn't understand what was making Jaehyun appear at his side every time he needed him to.

A frown made its way on Jaehyun's face. He was confused at first before realising what Taeyong meant and it only added more force, tightening the grip around his heart upon seeing him like this.

"There's something... telling me to keep you close, it's pulling me to you and I would be lying if I said I could ignore it. Being here, whether it be next to you or in front of you, just close enough for you to reach out, is the only thing that calms me down, whatever this is. Seeing you like this, hurts. I wish I could do something to make you feel better. But being by your side..."

Jaehyun paused.

"Nothing has ever felt more right than this. I know you feel it too."

Upon hearing these words spoken by Jaehyun, Taeyong's walls completely shattered, leaving him unable to shut the other out. He was right though, Taeyong felt it too. Only now he was sure it wasn't just his imagination playing with him, it was real. The fact that Jaehyun felt the same way made it harder for Taeyong to keep it together. Before he could take a deep breath and finally share his story, Jaehyun had started speaking again.

"Please don't feel pressured to tell me if you're not ready, you don't need to-"

However, Taeyong desperately interrupted him.

"I need to tell you, I need to, I can't do it anymore. Not alone."

This was it. He had said it out loud for the first time, he had admitted what he had been trying to block out for years. In his head, admitting that he needed others was equal to being weak. Though somehow the words had been spoken and he felt stronger.

 _I've been wrong all along,_ Taeyong realised. He actually felt empowered the more he spoke about it. With each syllable uttered out loud to Jaehyun, it hurt. But there was something else pushing him forwards and he took it with his head held high.

He took in a deep breath.

"I need you to know, I can't keep it inside anymore. I need you." 

Jaehyun felt his heart clench, he knew it had been difficult for Taeyong to express his feelings like this, out loud.

"Okay. If you need me, I will listen."

Jaehyun took Taeyong’s hands into his own and softly caressed them, comfortingly, proving that he really was there.

"You probably noticed that this week in particular is very... difficult for me."

Taeyong started out slow, small voice laced with sadness. Jaehyun kept quiet and squeezed their joint hands to encourage him to go further.

"It was this week exactly, two years ago when it happened."

Taeyong paused and swallowed.

"Today is the 12th, right?"

Jaehyun nodded and Taeyong closed his eyes while letting out a deep sigh, trying to get his nerves out of his system.

"Two years ago today, my sister Ji Eun disappeared. No warning, no nothing. Suddenly there was nothing. It was like she'd just vanished into thin air."

His eyes had started to water and he let his tears fall down once more.

"We were so worried, everyone was so worried. My sister was a good student, a wonderful friend and an even better example for me to look up to. She would have never left or disappeared without notice." 

"The last thing we knew was that she was going to dinner with her friends. Then she went to the restroom and didn't come back. They looked everywhere for her, but she was nowhere to be found. Of course there was no security footage in the restroom and the only other exit she could've used led into the back alley of the restaurant. There was no camera either. She had left her belongings at the table with her friends, so there was no way to reach her. Poof. Gone."

Taeyong started sniffling and Jaehyun could only watch while the tears cascaded down his cheeks.

"I couldn't sleep, I was restless. I couldn't do anything, not without knowing my Ji Eun was alright."

A small sob escaped Taeyong's lips and Jaehyun moved closer, close enough for Taeyong to reach out if he needed to.

"I didn't know what to do with myself, it seemed to go on forever."

His lips quivered and he tried to even his breathing, with difficulty.

"Two days later, they found her in an abandoned alley on the outside of the city. S-she had a b-bullet through her h-heart."

 

She was never coming back.

 

It was silent except for Jaehyun's small gasp and Taeyong’s sobs that were gradually getting worse, tore through the apartment. Taeyong covered his eyes with his hands and cried into them. His breathing had turned into ragged gasps and he could feel panic rising. It was hard getting a sufficient amount of air and Taeyong tried his best, but it was not working. He was spiralling and scared of losing control. She wasn't coming back. She wasn't ever coming back. Taeyong started hyperventilating when panic took the upper hand and he couldn't see anymore through the haze. 

"Sh-she's never coming back,"

His voice broke through his ragged breathing and Jaehyun felt a tear roll down his own cheek.

"She's dead and she's never coming back, Jaehyun. I'll never see her again."

His sobs grew louder again and now Taeyong was really scared of losing himself. His breathing had turned alarmingly shallow.

A pair of warm hands brought him back to the present, grounding him into reality. They were wrapped strongly around his forearms, pulling his hands down. All of a sudden, Jaehyun had his forehead pressed against Taeyong’s own.

"Taeyong, breathe with me, love. Breathe with me, please. Can you do that for me?"

Jaehyun's voice was steady, though his impact had immediate effect. Taeyong frantically nodded.

"Help, help me." he stuttered.

Jaehyun gently guided him through it and after about ten minutes, Taeyong managed to get his breathing under control.

"So-sorry." Taeyong tried apologising, embarrassed about his reaction, but Jaehyun was quick to stop him.

"No, don't apologise, love. Taeyong, you are so strong. I need you to know that, okay?"

At the last comment, Taeyong looked up into Jaehyun's eyes. His own eyes were dark brown, colour intensified because of crying. His eyes were puffy and had swollen a bit, though Jaehyun gazed at him with such strong emotion it left him speechless.

With a last shudder and heavy exhale, Taeyong continued.

"Investigation led nowhere. It was a literal dead end. The only conclusion they had, was that she had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Probably gang related. They could never give me an answer and I wasn't satisfied with what they gave us, I lost my older sister and my best friend." Taeyong swallowed, sniffled, took a deep breath and continued on, tears still present. He huffed.

"My parents accepted it right away. They blamed her for making the wrong friends, claiming she had it coming."

With this new revelation, Jaehyun saw a new emotion simmering underneath the surface. Anger. Taeyong had balled his hands up into fists, he was shaking.

"They lied to me about everything too, they didn't let me... I didn't get the chance to say goodbye."

His voice broke again and sadness overshadowed his words again.

His head was bowed, shoulders hunched like everything had been drained out of him and Jaehyun couldn't stay still anymore. He moved forward once more and pulled Taeyong into his arms again, but this time he didn't stop and lifted Taeyong into his lap, his knees positioned on either side of Jaehyun's thighs.

Taeyong was being caged into Jaehyun's strong embrace, arms tight around his small form and rubbing circles into his back in a comforting way. Jaehyun had settled on whispering sweet nothings in his ears and rested his head right next to Taeyong's, which was positioned half on Jaehyun's shoulder and half in the crook of his neck.

Taeyong was still crying softly when Jaehyun let himself feel what he tried not to focus on before, Taeyong being his number one priority. His heart broke now that Taeyong had told him about his sister. Words wouldn't ever be sufficient to express how Jaehyun felt now, knowing the truth. He felt a mix of anger, grief, heartache and sorrow swirl together, but he knew it was nothing compared to how the boy in his arms must have been feeling for two years already. He would never be able to understand how people could be so cruel as Taeyong’s parents were, blatantly shutting their deceased daughter out and with this chasing away their only son.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through this, Taeyong. Thank you for telling me and trusting me with your story. What happened to your sister is horrible, I wish I could bring her back for you."

In between Taeyong's agony, Jaehyun kept talking with a low, soothing voice.

"Taeyongie, you are so strong. I'm so proud of you for holding on. So proud."

Somewhere along Jaehyun's soft and low murmurings, Taeyong's breathing evened out and the sniffles stopped. The strong grip Taeyong had on Jaehyun's borrowed shirt lessened, though not entirely. Jaehyun had been leaning back against the couch, giving the other the option to move away if he wanted to. However, Taeyong had moved all the way forward resting his body on top of Jaehyun's broader one below.

 

Jaehyun realised Taeyong had fallen asleep when he became quiet, and except for the soft, constant breathing, the tears had stopped coming as well. So Jaehyun, as gentle as he could, moved sideways and leaned back down the full length of the sofa, bringing Taeyong down with him. He pushed himself up a bit against the cushions, making for a comfortable angle that would benefit the sleeping male on top of him the most. Taeyong was still splayed out, now half on top of Jaehyun with one leg draped over him, other half comfortably squished against the backrest. His head was still resting in the crook of Jaehyun's neck, on top of his collarbone and half on his chest.

No wonder Taeyong had fallen asleep, he was exhausted from sharing his story with the other, but most of all, he was exhausted from suffering alone for two years. Jaehyun promised him then, silently, that he wouldn't have to be alone anymore.

Not if it was up to him.

Jaehyun felt so much for Taeyong, his heart felt like it was about to burst, so he couldn't help his own instincts and placed a soft kiss against the crown of his head. He closed his eyes before allowing himself some rest, even just for a short while, and unconsciously curled into the other, keeping him safe in his arms.

 

 

❀

 

 

About an hour later Jaehyun woke up with his nose buried into Taeyong’s soft hair. It was a faded magenta-red, however in this light and from this angle, the colour seemed almost pink. Jaehyun's heart fluttered, as Taeyong was still fast asleep, curled up in his arms.

When he lifted his head slightly to peek at Taeyong's face, he was glad to see the older wearing a relaxed expression. His breathing was soft and Jaehyun felt relief travelling through his body. Taeyong was sleeping well, he was resting and he looked peaceful doing so too.

Carefully, Jaehyun moved away and tried not to wake Taeyong in the process of getting up from the couch. Taeyong was now fully sprawled on the couch though he seemed to retreat into curling up into himself when sleeping alone. Jaehyun thought Taeyong was beautiful like this, no filters, no masks to hide away from the outside world. His face scrunched up, body adjusting to the change and space available, though only for a few seconds.

Jaehyun pressed his lips to the frowning lines across Taeyong’s forehead and as if touched by magic, they disappeared and his face returned to it's peaceful state from before. The blanket had been discarded at the other end of the couch and Jaehyun reached over to grab it and drape it over Taeyong to keep him warm.

When he turned around and got up from where he was sitting, something on the table caught his eye. It was a notebook, wide open with a pen guarding its contents on top. Curiosity took the upper hand and Jaehyun leaned closer, hovering over the coffee table now. The words on the page seemed to have been scrawled very fast, almost in a desperate tone.

As Jaehyun skimmed through the text, some words jumped out. ' _it keeps raining in my heart'_ , and _'I am numb'_. Immediately, his heart sank and Jaehyun quickly averted his eyes. He closed the journal, not wanting to invade Taeyong's privacy even more than he already had by reading what looked like a burst of raw emotions.

Instead, Jaehyun walked to the kitchen and poured himself and Taeyong a glass of water. Suddenly he got reminded of the sweets he brought and the food Ten trusted him to deliver, so he stored the food in the fridge and put his own box on the dark counter made of teak wood.

Jaehyun thought Taeyong had a very nice apartment. It was modern, but not too much so that it seemed to be superficial. There were small trinkets and decorations here and there, though they didn't seem to hold much impact. Fairy lights across the bookshelves, several small plants filling empty spaces, frames lining the wall and a carpet on the living room floor. He could see there had been an effort to make the space feel homey.

Despite all these intentions, Jaehyun still felt like something was missing, though he quickly shrugged it off.

He walked to the bookcase and let his fingers wander over the many different titles. He wasn't surprised to see this many books collected by a literature major like Taeyong. He halted his movements when he spotted a familiar name. 'Emily Dickinson' it read. ' _Emily Dickinson.'_

 _"I love Emily Dickinson."_ That's what Taeyong had told him the day before.

With utmost care, Jaehyun lifted the book into his hands, off the shelf, and took it with him back to the kitchen. He figured he would give Taeyong some privacy and rest, so he sat down and made himself comfortable at the kitchen table, digging into the poetry collection.

 

 

❀

 

 

The moment Taeyong woke up, he felt around looking for another body he remembered was last with him. However, there was nothing but him and his blanket on the couch and instantly, dread filled his stomach. The apartment was very quiet, almost too quiet. Nerves shot up his body and Taeyong could feel himself tense. He looked around the living room, leaning up onto his elbows.

 _Jaehyun. Jaehyun was here. Where’s Jaehyun?_ _Did he leave? Did he walk through that door regretting ever having set foot inside? Jaehyun wouldn’t..., he wouldn’t leave me too right?_  

Taeyong’s anxiety clouded over his thoughts. Until..., his eyes spotted a pair of shoes at the door that didn’t belong to him. A bit further along the wall lay a backpack and Taeyong allowed himself the beginning of a sigh of relief. Still, his heart was beating fast because _where was Jaehyun_?

“Jaehyun? Jae? Are you still here?” Taeyong managed to croak out, voice still small and unstable from his crying. His gaze fell upon the coffee table in front of him where he saw a glass of water and a box with one very cute chocolate muffin on top. Taeyong almost chuckled amid his worrying if it weren’t for a sound coming from the kitchen that caught his attention. The next moment Jaehyun rounded the corner, walking out of the kitchen.

“You’re awake”

He knelt right beside Taeyong on the sofa, tucking one leg under his body.

Jaehyun let his eyes take in Taeyong’s form. Big eyes stared up at him and if he was right, it seemed like he was trying to calm his breathing.

“Hey, you okay?” he murmured softly. 

Taeyong lowered his gaze and suddenly didn’t know what to focus on anymore. He’d come down from the rush of anxiety and realised now he lived with a fear. Just thinking about Jaehyun abandoning him had him reacting like this. Jaehyun who, just a few days earlier, had been a mere stranger to him. Jaehyun, who had already crept into every nook and cranny of Taeyong’s subconscious, leaving behind a longing. A craving for the warmth that came with Jaehyun’s presence and now Taeyong needed it. He wanted him close. It scared him nonetheless.

A hand cupping his cheek brought him back to Jaehyun in front of him on the couch and Taeyong had to blink several times to release the pressure that had mounted behind his eyes. Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrowed, he was worrying again and Taeyong did the only thing he could think of. He gave the other a smile, a real smile just for Jaehyun. A smile so tender and longing, coming straight from the heart and almost hopeful? Definitely hopeful. Taeyong leaned into the hand bracing his cheek and closed his eyes.

_Thank you Jaehyun._

The latter let out a puff of air and scooted closer until their knees were brushing against each other and Taeyong could lean into the other if he wanted to. To invade the space Jaehyun had already cleared just for him, always close enough for Taeyong to reach out.

 

 

❀

 

 

The thing Taeyong decided he loved most from now on, was cuddling with Jaehyun. They were currently tangled up together on the couch, Jaehyun on his back and Taeyong again half on top of him. Jaehyun's arms were draped loosely around his waist, though Taeyong had never felt this grounded and safe before.

The way they seemed to fit together perfectly hadn't escaped Taeyong's attention, his mind singing while subconsciously making himself even smaller in the younger's arms. The warmth he was gathering from Jaehyun underneath him and the consistent up-&-down movement of his chest while breathing worked very soothing.

Taeyong had been absolutely drained after pouring his heart out to the other earlier and now, simply enjoying his presence was all he could wish for at the moment. They had shared the muffins Jaehyun had brought, - _“Jaehyun, you’re my personal baker now, when I tell you to make sweets for me you can’t say no! It’s illegal how delicious they are, oh, but please make sure I don’t get fat, Jaehyunnie.”_ _Jaehyun only laughed and happily agreed with the other, joy radiating in his chest upon seeing Taeyong  smile._ \- after this Jaehyun had made Taeyong  drink the glass of water, wanting to make sure he’d stay hydrated.

They’d talked about small things, Jaehyun shared stories about his friends, Johnny and Yuta, and Taeyong shared small bits and pieces about Ten and Kun. He even told Jaehyun about Sicheng, a childhood friend who was in the same university and whom he still went for coffee with every once in a while. - _“Sicheng? I think I heard Yuta talk about someone named Sicheng a while ago… I should ask him about it.”_

Jaehyun told Taeyong about running into Ten in the lobby and how he’d given him the homemade food to deliver to Taeyong. He left out the part where Ten talked about Taeyong’s hardships though, instead seeing confusion take its place onto Taeyong’s features.

“Ten was here? How- He knocked on the door? I don’t remember anyone coming to the door until you showed up. Was I still asleep?” He could see him starting to get upset, the guilt for ignoring his best friend these past days and now apparently having let him stand in front of a closed door, growing inside. He searched for his phone, gawking at all the missed calls and messages from Ten, Jaehyun and even Kun.

“It’s okay, he’ll understand. Just let him know you’re okay, at least.”

Jaehyun reassured him with a smile. “And make sure to let him know when you eat the food.”

The comfortable silence they currently found themselves in seemed to be able to stretch forever and Taeyong basked in this privilege, scared it would be taken away from him too soon. If clinging was what Taeyong was doing, he wasn't about to deny it and Jaehyun definitely didn't mind, he absolutely loved having Taeyong in his arms like this. 

Something had shifted between them this afternoon, as if an invisible barrier between them had disappeared. If they connected easily and felt comfortable searching for each other’s touch before, it was driven up a notch now. Neither of them wanted the other to let go, and so they lounged on the sofa together, time being a mere detail weaving itself in and out of the room. However, it was almost turning 7pm and Jaehyun did have a late-night practice to attend to.

Just as Taeyong was almost falling asleep again, he felt Jaehyun shift underneath him.

"Taeyongie?" 

Looking up into his brown orbs, Taeyong waited in anticipation for Jaehyun to continue speaking.

"I have basketball practice later at 8, but I don't want to leave you alone."

Taeyong’s eyes widened and he didn't wait until Jaehyun finished his sentence before exclaiming at the same time, "Please don't leave me alone."

Big, round eyes boring into his, Jaehyun didn't need long to see the desperation and fear simmering under the surface. He could feel Taeyong’s grip on his shirt getting tighter and more strained. Letting out a fond sigh, Jaehyun ran a hand through Taeyong's cutely messed up hair.

"Then come with me, you can watch me from the stands."

Taeyong was already nodding before really thinking about it. Anywhere with Jaehyun was better than here, alone, in his cold apartment, drowning in his sorrows. Then his brain suddenly went into overdrive, _hold up what am I going to do, his training probably takes a few hours should I-, no. Could I...?_  

It seemed like Taeyong wanted to ask something but he kept quiet, not daring to voice his question. Jaehyun had already got a gist of what was going through Taeyong's head, so he moved closer, noses almost touching, and then moved further to the side. It happened too fast for Taeyong to register what was happening. Suddenly, Taeyong could feel a pair of very soft lips on his temple, successfully halting his train of thought, Jaehyun lingered the gentle kiss a few seconds.

"Bring your book, love, you might get bored."

Before embarrassment could fully settle in Taeyong's system, Jaehyun had already snuggled closer, pressing his nose to his nape, lips faintly resting against the side of Taeyong’s neck. The latter let out a small breath he didn't know he was holding and only melted further into Jaehyun as he tightened his grip around the older's waist, heart threatening to burst out of his ribcage. 

_‘What did I do to deserve an angel like you?’_

It was a mutual thought though, quickly floating through their minds as they lost themselves in the simple feeling of having each other right where they wanted them to be.

 

 

❀

 

 

Taeyong took out the romance novel he was currently reading the minute he sat down in the middle of the stands. He had changed into a soft and warm outfit, black pants paired with a grey woollen long-sleeved shirt underneath a bigger woollen charcoal cardigan. His oversized denim jacket was carefully folded on the seat next to him, since he was sure he would get cold later on from sitting down this entire practice.

Hugging the book against his chest, Taeyong let his eyes roam over the basketball court. There was only one person Taeyong would be focused on and as expected, like a magnet, his eyes latched onto the other’s form the moment he stepped foot on the court dressed in a basketball jersey and matching shorts.

The other team members had begun to warm up and Taeyong even recognised Jaehyun’s friend Johnny among them. Though Jaehyun, instead of joining them, had crossed the field in a straight line right to where Taeyong was trying his best not to freak out. Taeyong knew Jaehyun was handsome, he knew Jaehyun was extremely beautiful, especially with a setting sun casting its last rays onto his angelic features in the background.

Jaehyun in sports attire, shoulders (and muscles!) bared, was a whole other sight to see and Taeyong loved every second of it. Though with Jaehyun right in front, checking up on him and telling him to not hesitate to call for him if ever he needed anything the next hour and a half, Taeyong’s heart stuttered once more.

Most of the other members had merely spared Taeyong a small glance and a nod in acknowledgement before dedicating all their attention to their coach and fellow members. Practice started and Taeyong knew he would end up not reading a single word the moment he saw Jaehyun shooting a three-pointer right through the hoop.

He was doomed.

 

When there were only a few minutes left of training, Taeyong realised he hadn’t moved an inch from when he first started gaping at the scene in front of him. He quickly closed his mouth, embarrassed at how he couldn’t seem to control his physical reactions. He moved around and took on a more comfortable position, internally debating whether or not to put on his jacket already, when he heard a chuckle to his right. He looked up to see a freshly showered boy around his age, sports bag hanging from one shoulder, sporting a wide and playful grin.

“I bet you didn’t open that book over there, did you?”

He pointed to the romance novel that had been absentmindedly discarded to the seat on Taeyong's other side halfway through the practice and Taeyong’s cheeks flared up in realisation.

_Oh my god this is so embarrassing, Lee Taeyong get a grip on yourse-_

“Nakamoto Yuta,” The boy introduced himself with an outstretched hand for Taeyong to shake, successfully interrupting his internal scolding.

“You must be Taeyong, am I right?” Yuta sat down in one of the seats next to Taeyong after shaking hands, dropping his bag to the floor. 

Taeyong nodded, a confused but polite smile directed at the other.

“I’ve seen you around campus a few times. Though now I just can’t pretend not to know you seeing as Jaehyun doesn’t shut up about you.”

Yuta had a wicked grin on his face by now, and knew he had hit the jackpot. Taeyong’s face only got redder in the meantime.

“He talks about me?” Taeyong, uncertain, glanced over to where Jaehyun, drenched in sweat and not any less good looking, was talking to the coach.

“Of course he does! Ever since he saw you in that lecture hall, you’ve been the only thing on his mind.”

Yuta’s eyebrows furrowed to show how invested he was in the whole thing and he looked almost taken aback at Taeyong’s uncertainty.

“I don’t really know you yet, Taeyong, but you’ve become quite special to my best friend. It means a lot to me.”

Taeyong, upon hearing this, could feel a faint warm feeling start to spread from his inner core to the tips of his fingers and down to his feet. Jaehyun had become quite special to Taeyong as well, if not just as special.

“I’m so glad I met Jaehyun, he has a gentle heart. I’m so thankful.”

Taeyong turned back to watching Jaehyun while he spoke. Yuta placed a hand on his shoulder before uttering a soft “Thank you, Taeyong”. He wasn’t sure what Yuta was thanking him for, but before he could ask, Yuta had already dived into a story about how he missed playing basketball with his friends, soccer having completely swallowed whatever free time he had as a pre-med student.

Yuta was easy-going and comfortable to talk with. Taeyong realised he might have just made a new friend.

Jaehyun arrived back at his side right when Yuta had been animatedly telling Taeyong about his last soccer game and successfully distracted Yuta. Where Jaehyun was, Johnny was never far behind and Yuta made it very clear. “Yaa JohNNY” Yuta shot up from the seat and dashed over to the other not too far away.

Jaehyun chuckled. “Sorry, Yuta can be a bit much sometimes, please tell me he didn’t traumatise you or anything?”

Taeyong shook his head ‘no’ and smiled, standing up. “He’s a good friend.”

“He is.” Jaehyun’s smile widened at seeing them getting along and Taeyong only looked, mapping out every detail of this exact picture, wide smile with dimples getting its own category in his mind.

 

 

❀

 

 

Ten minutes later, Jaehyun joined Taeyong after a quick shower and their hands tangled together without thinking. Yuta and Johnny joined them several seconds later and Johnny gave Taeyong a kind smile before Jaehyun introduced them properly.

”I see you often at Moon’s Mocha.” Johnny said after giving Taeyong a small wave.

“I heard you got Taeil to adopt a stray cat for the cafe? I can’t wait to meet her.” 

Johnny’s eyes lit up when hearing about Macchiato and quickly went through the process of giving her shelter until Taeil officially adopted her.

“Anyways, Johnny and I were about to go for dinner, you can join us if you want Taeyong, Jae?” 

Yuta’s wide grin had returned on his face and he seemed to have fun teasing his friend, pointedly staring at where their hands were intertwined. Jaehyun, however, tugged Taeyong closer to him. 

“Sorry, we already have plans.”

Taeyong turned to Jaehyun after hearing him say these words and the tender look in his eyes, staring right through him, made him feel so vibrantly alive. Jaehyun bent down and pressed his lips to Taeyong’s forehead.

“Maybe next time?”

Taeyong added, hopeful, as he really did want to get to know Jaehyun’s friends.

“Sure! Just let us know when you get tired of Jae and we’ll come and rescue you.”

Yuta jumped behind Johnny, hiding from Jaehyun, though the latter couldn’t get far as Taeyong held him back with their tangled hands.

He gave Jaehyun a beautiful smile, head tilted to the side. “Don’t worry, I don’t think I’ll get tired of you anytime soon.”

Yuta let out a sound that seemed to resemble throwing up, and Johnny quickly dragged him away, out of the building.

“See you guys later!”

Taeyong let out a laugh before they also made their way out of the building, back to Taeyong’s apartment.

 

 

❀

 

 

He was trying his best, but his eyes kept falling closed, it was a constant battle between staying awake and enjoying the warmth of the broad chest pressed up against his back. Taeyong would gladly admit that he rather preferred laying like this with Jaehyun spooning him, over trying to sleep alone and failing. 

The dirty dishes in the sink were proof of having eaten the food Ten had brought over via Jaehyun earlier. The movie playing on the television was what Jaehyun was focused on at the moment and Taeyong as well, were it not for Jaehyun’s strong arms snaked around his form, hugging him against his torso. Taeyong loved it. He loved being in his arms like this, it was so safe, outside world completely shut out.

There was only the noise of the television playing and then there was only Jaehyun’s breathing and a pulse. Taeyong’s head was propped up on Jaehyun’s muscular arm, one ear pressed to his bicep, the feel of his pulse present. The other was focused on his breathing or the occasional chuckle or comment about whatever was happening in the movie.

Sleep, however, was winning the fight and Jaehyun had noticed.

“Taeyongie, Yongie?” Jaehyun’s focus had changed. “It’s getting pretty late, maybe I should go…”

Taeyong turned around in his embrace and grabbed onto his shirt. Sleepy eyes trained on Jaehyun’s face and after a few blinks it seemed his words had reached his brain.

He took a deep breath and tried not to let his hands shake too much. Something in the other’s eyes screamed ‘let me stay’ and Taeyong did not want him to go, so that’s exactly what he said.

“Please stay.”  
“I don’t want you to go, Jae.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Jaehyun had an adorable, dimpled smile on his face and Taeyong decided that yes, he would gladly let sleep take over, if that’s what he’d get to see first thing in the morning.

 

That’s how they found themselves curled up again, legs tangled together, both in pyjamas this time. The only difference being that the bed was significantly more comfortable underneath, with Taeyong’s covers above and this time Taeyong wasn’t scared of nightmares.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/butjaehyunie) or [CC](https://curiouscat.me/ButJaehyunie)!! I promise I don't bite <3


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